So someone sent a message to me tonight about Laura's (my girlfriend, for those who don't know) feeling that I'm not manly enough/ have gotten effeminate and I think I've officially snapped. Mostly because I agree.

I feel like I am perpetually trapped in middle school. This is because, technically, I never should have graduated. I've begun to notice this small fact the more I go forwards, as calculated by Einstein's famous equation, E divided by MC squared. Where E is education, C is number of times cried to sleep at night, and M is 'man parts' drawn in the margins of my 'interest challenged' classes.

You see, I transferred to Northwest in 8th grade, when, at my old school (Explorer West- motto: a school) I would have had an extensive, year long Washington State History course. This caused me to miss the 7th grade version of this class, and thus, I never learned my state history.

This isn't REALLY a problem. From what I've heard, and what I've learned, Washington State history is about as exhilarating as watching the Seattle Storm. (Audience- 4 angry women and their emasculated lap dogs). But the individual stories from the state are just so manly! That's what I need, a little manliness. Washington State history is frequented by loggers using their sweat encrusted t-shirts to pull trees out by their roots, then going back to their wives with 17 tons of bear meat slung over their backs (carried in the same sweat encrusted shirt) only to find out their families had been kidnapped by terrorists in an overly elaborate plot to penetrate the president's puppy! Oh wait no that's 24. Sorry, I get carried away sometimes... : (

Seriously though, Laura's great and all- I can confidently say I love her. She is gorgeous, funny, mean in the way that shows she tells the truth, and acts like she loves me, but I am a guy, and most guys aren't really into watching Jane Austin movies huddled over a tub of ice cream talking about our menstrual cramps. I've never even HAD a menstrual cramp!

Look- my life right now is pretty good, in fact I might go as far as to say it's 'eachy keen.'

In order to explain how much it means that I use these exact words, I should give you a brief history of the phrase. As you've probably ALL heard the story about the Spanish being the first colonials in the new world- having the best ships and what not, the fact is that this is not how the history progressed. All of the European countries had ships, built them and sold them- it's just that no one had the time to sail them because they were all too busy painting 'man parts'.

ANYWAYS, a few Spanish sailors, made their way down to Mexico where they had hoped to find El Dorado, a car that they had lost after getting extremely high. Once arriving, they discovered something they didn't expect: the great civilization of Azteca. There, they saw a land full of angry, teenage waiters who would give you week old tortilla chips and be sassy while you tried to order the El Grande Burrito which is so large that somalians have been known to take them hostage! After eating their meal, the Spaniards decided to talk to the Aztecan leader, named 'El Managero.' Upon asking him 'how goseth thy business' El Managero replied- 'eachy Keen.'

There were no survivors.

So you must understand how much I truly enjoy my life right now.

I just feel like the manly portion of it is.... missing. I could buy myself a chainsaw, or other implement of mass destruction, but as far as I know capital hill really only has a few trees (guarded by the EPA like the last scoop of ice cream during the Jane Austen adaptation that is invariably 4hrs and 37mns long) and telephone poles (usually not so kosher with locals/power company/ children playing in puddles.)

So I guess I'm stuck for the time being drawing 'man parts.'